this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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