she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
