if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
