Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
This is my gift to your gina
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
