My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
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got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday