I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.