i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.