dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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