I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
