conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
