I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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