my cup is half full, half full of rum.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
