I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
