hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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