Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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