i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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