my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
