HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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