On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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