dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
