Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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