I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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