just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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