my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
