yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
