I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
