she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
