even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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