I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
