I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
