Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
