Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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