Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
