I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize