I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
one two three fourrrrnication!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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