So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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