Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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