two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
