i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
