My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
