I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
