Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
birth control should be required to get into college
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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