I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
