You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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