He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
