just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize