It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
