I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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