dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
