You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
