I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
