OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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