He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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