She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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