I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
