dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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