There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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