I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
