I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
