I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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