I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
