see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
