i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
