You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
